A Journey to Self-Discovery
Life of Shin Series: Speaking from my head, writing from my heart.
In this series of #LifeOfShin narratives, I will talk about my personal experiences and how I am managing (yes, it is an ongoing process) to overcome my deep-seated insecurities, family dramas, and self-sabotaging tendencies and finding the courage to pursue whatever the heck makes me truly happy.
Alright, chapter one. Bring it on.
After a series of life-changing events over the past decade, I learned that I had been living in my own bubble of reality. I became aware that my understanding of the world and my perspective on life was very limited and biased. I knew there was more out there than what I was experiencing at the time, and the last couple of years urged me to go find out and start taking action.
I hit a breaking point. I remember sleeping in the car being so drunk and waking up smelling like a total mess of a hopeless person. That was my wake-up call right there. Now, who says alcohol doesn’t help? Kidding! Me — looking like a miserable motherflecker isn’t a picture I was happy to see. And so that very morning, I drove home thinking about how I wanted my life to look like moving forward.
What did I do after that?
I sought professional help.
Why? Because the whole drive home, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t picture anything. For a person who likes to plan things out and imagine things, I couldn’t get myself to picture the future I wanted. For the first time in 30 years, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life. I felt so helpless and hopeless, but I wasn’t about to mess it up for my kid as well — no. I desperately needed help, and I was finally ready to ask for it.
Maria played a huge role in my self-discovery and I wouldn’t have made it this far hadn’t I met her a couple of years back. The beginning of our weekly meetings started with me crying a river and basically hating my life, which slowly transitioned to a new me wanting my life back. She always managed to calm me down and never stopped reminding me that all I needed were (1) strong support system and (2) strong will to let go of all the baggage that’s been holding me back.
I took care of myself.
Because who would do that better than I will? And if I couldn’t take care of myself, how was I going to take good care of my kid?
I didn’t care if people said that what I wanted should be the least of my priorities, that I shouldn’t even care about how I looked anymore, because I was already a mom. I stopped giving a shit about what other people think and want from me, and focused more on what I think, what I want, how I see and feel about myself.
I also found myself cutting ties with people who weren’t good for my sanity, and that has got to be the most liberating thing I’ve done since I can’t remember when.
I explored my passion and tried new things.
It all boils down to two things: I love learning new things and helping people. And once I kept an open mind and explored my passion, I discovered what a super-empath I am and how helping people lighten the load felt so fulfilling — and exhausting at the same time. Then I rekindled my love for writing and how I have always thought about inspiring and lifting others’ spirits thru sharing my stories.
I took some time to consider what I enjoy and look forward to the most, and it helped me discover ways to enrich my life. One thing led to another. I now get to share my stories on Medium, I got a promising job where I can definitely make a difference, and I got to take online classes in Modern Applied Psychology. All that while mothering the world’s sweetest 5-year-old genius.
I invested in myself.
I basically spent my time learning, growing, and adding value to my life. Aside from Modern Applied Psychology, I also took a couple of other certification courses related to digital marketing, and that helped me a lot in my work-from-home gigs.
I also treated my body better. I started working out, I paid more attention to my diet as well as skin care, and it felt so good to have a pretty solid wellness routine.
Paradigm shift.
I will never forget that one meeting with Maria when she said that I must “reevaluate my paradigm” if I wish to bring about significant changes in my life. Because while a positive attitude helps, it only does so incrementally. And as such, I worked really hard on changing the way I view life. So the past couple of years, I stayed curious and sought wisdom, prioritized self-love, lived humbly, and took action toward something I truly believed in.
Everyone’s journey to self-discovery is unique, but one thing is for sure: it will lead to a beautiful destination. Although it won’t happen overnight, you have a leg up on the competition since you already know something about yourself. However, much like getting to know someone else, it takes time and patience.
You’ll learn more about yourself as you explore more ground thru self-exploration, so don’t be afraid to wander away. After all, you are in charge of your journey and no one else. So go right ahead and take your precious time, just don’t forget to get your shit together along the way and be genuinely happy between adventures. You got this. We all got this!
Cheers,
***REPUBLISHED*** Originally published on Medium, February 7, 2022.