Stop Self-Sabotaging and Start Living Your Life.
Believe me when I say I’ve been there — well, probably still am — and there’s nothing I want more than to stop all the nonsense I’m doing with my life and just fully live it.
Self-sabotage is an unconscious habit that prevents us from achieving our goals and dreams. Whether it’s in the form of procrastinating, making excuses, or avoiding problems altogether, self-sabotaging behaviors hold us back from success.
This is especially a significant issue for people with mental illness because we aren’t always aware that we are sabotaging ourselves. It can be very difficult to see from the inside, but looking at some examples of common self-sabotaging behaviors can help us better understand them.
Ever wondered why you always procrastinate?
Sometimes, we delay doing or dealing with something because it evokes negative emotions, and we want to avoid that altogether. Other times, the dreaded distractions — like social media — are the culprit.
So there’s a project for you in the workplace that would lead to a promotion, and now you feel so stressed and anxious with all the pressure surrounding this project, so you go, “The deadline’s a month away, and I don’t want to feel crappy for the whole month so I’ll do it two weeks before then.” Next thing you know, the deadline’s in 3 days, and you’re cramming to get the task done. You feel even more stressed and anxious. You finished the project half-assed, and so you didn’t actually get the promotion.
What about that time when you’re working on a school paper, and someone from your group chat sent something so exciting? Everyone just chimed in, so you did too and talked about it for a good couple of hours that you forgot about the school paper along with all the ideas that were running through your head right before you got distracted by that group chat notifications.
Anticipating future behavior, strategizing how to respond, and removing distractions until a specific moment can all be beneficial in this case. Doing a task without thinking much about the deadline can be valuable as well — at least for me, that seemed to work. Starting at any time and completing even a small section of the project could boost your drive and transform your perspective on the task.
Make excuses much?
We can fabricate excuses for others or ourselves, but the substance of the justification stays the same, regardless of whom we’re trying to fool. An excuse is what we make when we’re unwilling to admit the actual reason for it.
Oh, so you didn’t attend the company’s after-hours party because you were exhausted after a long day at the office? Or that you’d rather get drinks elsewhere instead of socializing with coworkers because you think you don’t fit in?
Now you’re saying you can’t apply to that dream job of yours that just opened because your LinkedIn profile isn’t set up yet? Or because you think you’re not ready?
We tend to convince ourselves that we make excuses for the sake of our sanity. Sometimes, though, we fail to look at the bigger picture. Like, I don’t think anyone is ever fully prepared to take the next step in their lives — starting a family, a new job, relocation, or starting a business. We simply determine that the desire for it outweighs whatever inconvenience there may be.
Ever feel unloved, incompetent, and just unsuccessful in general?
Having low self-esteem can have a severe impact on our mental health as well as our personal and professional ties. Our inner voice can constantly tell us that we are not good enough or worth anything or that nobody wants us, even if there is evidence to the contrary — and, dear, that is just full-on self-sabotage.
A couple of years ago, my ex-husband wanting a divorce did a number on me. My inner voice basically took over my life. I thought I was a failure, that I was not good enough and that no one would ever want me after that. And then the pandemic happened on top of that.
This turn of events took a toll on me. I’ll admit, it wasn’t an easy ride. But once I started believing in and taking good care of myself again, it was uphill afterward. I’m back on track, I look good, feel great, and my relationship with my daughter has never been better.
“The most effective way to do it, is to do it.”
— Amelia Earhart
I know that working towards a goal to become a better person every day is easier said than done, just like everything else. And I sure don’t have a list of things you should do to stop sabotaging yourself because everyone has their way of dealing with life difficulties within themselves. What I will say is, if you tell yourself enough that you’re better than this self-sabotaging person that you are right now, then soon enough, you will believe it. And once you start believing in yourself again, everything else just falls into place, and before you know it, you’re already far from where you started. So let’s embrace every little improvement we make along the way and celebrate the little wins each time because a battle against ourselves isn’t easy, but we get by knowing we’re winning anyway.
Cheers,
